Reflections

It is night, and darkness drowns out the nursery. Daddy is sleeping soundly and I am in Bugsy's room sitting in the yellow silk bee chair. I have just finished nursing this tiny 6 month old and he is full as a tic off the milk the doctor's said would not ever sustain him. His head rest against me skin to skin, warm and sweaty. I smell milk and pink lotion and all the dreams of my past bubbling up inside me. The sound machine that has never been turned off since he was born plays the recorded sounds of the ocean. The waves lull back and forth and back and forth just as the warmth of the breath of this baby on my chest. I feel wetness in the corners of my eyes and I am overwhelmed with the thought.... this is enough. I am enough. My life has enough joy in this very moment to last a lifetime, and even if this is the only baby I ever hold and even if the world ended tomorrow I would die happy. There is Daddy and there is Grant and there is me. It is just the beginning, yet it is already so full. The wonder of life keeps me humbled, grounded and full of thanks.