It's Ok, to be both

Do you remember way back into adolescence when you were just trying to figure out who you were? and what group you fit into, exactly? When you ate lunch, what table did you sit at? Were you ever torn between trying to fit in with the cool kids while still being true to yourself?

It's funny, I should have seen these conflicts early on but it is only now that I look back that I get a little more clarity on it. In Jr. High, I was the cool kid who secretly went to the Earth Club meeting after Student Council so I could see the real live wolves they were bringing! And in High school --Sure, I listened to Green Day with my friends in the car, but I really just couldn't wait to put in my Simon and Garfunkel tape and ponder all the allegories in the lyrics.

Then college happened and life happened and I was ME! Finally me! But it's funny -- lately I find myself back again in the juxtaposition of myself. But this time, its okay to be both. I am both Yuppie and Hippie to the core or my being. I am in the Junior League, I drive a nice SUV, I am Episcopal, I wear 7 jeans....I still breast feed my 13 month old, I pureed all of his baby food, I cook organic whole wheat flax seed everything, I belong to an attached parenting group which meets regular to nurse and knit together.

I hope that Bugsy feels free to be himself as he grows into himself. Its fascinating to think that he has elements of Brandon and me in him but he is truly his own individual person. For all we know he may be totally into sports! (we hate sports!) But if he is --- we will be there for every game. We will cheer and try to learn all we can about his interests, but mostly we will show up because that's half of the job of parenting right there -- just showing up and being there. Love is really not spelled L-O-V-E, it is spelled T-I-M-E. The time we have with our child at home with us growing into himself is so very limited. When you really sit and think about it it makes you want to treasure every ought-oh, every toothy giggle, every ground up Graham cracker. Because just like those cracker crumbs that get lost under the furniture, moments fall into the cracks of your being unnoticed -- and it is the small moments in life that are everything.